Today we are doing an experiment! I’ve decided to record today’s post so my sweet, southern drawl can lull you into an ICanDad stupor. For those of you who don’t like reading, feel free to hit the play button below. Hit me up with some feedback on whether or not I should keep recording the posts! Thanks!
1.) The Over Participator- When the instructor tells you to treat the fake baby doll like it’s your new baby, the “Over Participator” picks up the fake baby and immediately begins to fake breast feed. Her fake baby also receives fake infant massage for four fake hours. The “Over Participator” is the first to volunteer and the last to leave.
2.) The Specific Question Asker- Sorry, I didn’t realize that you were here for your own personal question and answer session. I know you want to know what to do with your extra breast milk, but can you not wait until after class to ask about which brand of freezer to purchase?
3.) The Answerer- The instructor of your class has been a nurse for a thousand years, but “The Answerer” can’t help but interject her own internet researched opinion. Yes, we know you read Baby Wise. Please stop talking.
4.) The Over Zealous Agree-er- Be careful, or that head of yours might pop off. When the instructor’s opinion matches with the “Over Zealous Agree-er”, you can’t miss it because her head will rage up and down like a ram fighting for its position on top a hill.
5.) The Opinion Giver- If the instructor asks a simple question, the “Opinion Giver” is not able to give a simple answer. Her well-rehearsed treatise will flow from her mouth with the vitriol of a political attack ad. Disposable diapers will kill my baby? At this point, we were just asking for your name and due date.
6.) The Comedian- This role is typically filled by one of the dads in the room. It doesn’t matter what the topic is, this guy will have your rolling on the floor with laughter…nope…wait….not laughter…..hatred. Sorry dude, but talking about SIDS doesn’t really lend itself to a one liner.
7.) The Been There Done That- Not sure why you even came back to the class after your first child, but here you are, ready to impart wisdom. While “Been There Done That” might have some excellent advice, the endless stories about her first child will eventually lead to you feeling like she probably shouldn’t be having a second.
8.) The Non Participator- Unlike “Over Participator”, the “Non Participator” will leave you wondering why they even showed up at all. Ok class, let’s practice putting the baby in a diaper. Yeah, um… I’m good. Thanks though. We havin’ a break soon?
9.) The One More Timer- As the rest of the class moves on to other things, the “One More Timer” glances at her pathetic excuse for a swaddle and asks to practice just once more. One more time inevitably leads to a fifteen-minute private lesson while the “Comedian” tries to keep everyone else entertained.
10.) The Skeazy Politician- Despite all the compelling evidence, the “Skeazy Politician” will whisper her unsolicited opinions about how the instructor is incorrect about everything. She may even pull you aside during break to campaign for support on issues like sleeping arrangements, diapering, or breast feeding.
Well, that wraps up our list. If you over zealously agree with what you’ve just heard, leave me a comment down below.
Thanks for visiting and keep on dadding!